The Lakers’ age continues to be one of the most-discussed topics of the NBA offseason, particularly given their recent acquisitions and reports linking them to players. After signing 35-year-old Rajon Rondo officially on Tuesday and being linked to 33-year-old DeAndre Jordan, the jokes have only continued to grow.
The Lakers have tried to spin their age into positives, citing wisdom and experience as reasons it could be a strength this year. But that has done little to quell the jokes, no matter how hilariously bad some may be.
While LeBron James is known for his terrible nicknames — hold that thought — they are unparalleled to the one given to the Lakers by an Eastern Conference executive. On Wednesday’s edition of the HoopsHype podcast with Michael Scotto and Yossi Gozlan, Scotto revealed a text conversation with an anonymous Eastern Conference executive that had a truly awful nickname for the Lakers:
DeAndre Jordan’s been linked there. I was texting with an Eastern Conference executive about it. The executive texted me, “I hope the Nets buy him out so he can join the Lakers’ AARP squad. Better yet, the LAARP. I’ve never seen a roster like this.”
Having LeBron James on the roster the last three seasons means Lakers fans are used to some truly awful nicknames. James has fully embraced the dad joke aspect of his life and has taken to handing out nicknames like candy in recent years.
Nothing tops M.U.D. in his first season in Los Angeles, given to the Meme Team members off the bench. He’s also had classics like “Deadshot” for Danny Green, “Frank The Tank” for coach Frank Vogel, “Dennis the Menace” for Dennis Schröder and “Layup” for Troy Daniels.
But as bad as those are — and M.U.D. is truly, awe-inspiringly horrible — they do not touch “LAARP.” On it’s own, AARP is a rather un-clever nickname that is too simple and predictable to be considered a good nickname. Even if adding the “L” in front of it is a little bit more clever, it’s nearly at the level of smooth-brained egg accounts on Twitter adding “Le” to anything involving LeBron (i.e. LeMickey, LeAnkle). There’s really only one L being handed out in this situation and it’s to the anonymous Eastern Conference executive.
The only way this could possibly be a funnier situation is if James co-signed the “LAARP” nickname, which would certify it as an absolute bottom-tier nickname. But either way, it’s truly one of the corniest nicknames to ever enter the NBA lexicon. Just no.