Alex Caruso says he won’t be in ‘Space Jam 2’ and I’m mad now

There is still a lot we don’t know about “Space Jam 2,” or as the movie’s star LeBron James recently revealed it’s officially being called, “Space Jam: A New Legacy.” Unfortunately, one of the things we have learned is that James’ teammate, Lakers guard Alex Caruso, won’t be in it.

This is bullshit.

Caruso revealed the unfortunate news during his appearance on ESPN’s “The Lowe Post” podcast on Friday:

Did (your friendship with LeBron) get you into ‘Space Jam 2?’

“No, unfortunately there will not be an AC Fresh cameo in ‘Space Jam 2.’”

That’s unfortunate.

“Maybe if it was a couple years from now I would’ve got the call.”

Look, I don’t want to accuse Warner Bros. of not knowing what the people want, but between this and casting Jesse Eisenberg to play Lex Luthor as a combination of Mark Zuckerberg and the Joker, I’m really starting to think they just don’t get it.

I get that the movie has a packed cast of stars already, but they couldn’t find any room for the internet’s favorite cult hero in the film? Not even for a cameo? This is just a failure on the part of everyone involved, and someone has to say it.

It would have been easy to include Caruso, too. To prove it, I came up with a few cameo ideas:

• Either playing in (or at least in the background of) the offseason scrimmage scene that we all know will take place at some point in the movie
• As “The Eagle Scout,” a real Looney Toons character. They’d save so much on CGI by just casting “The Bald Eagle” for the role he was born to play they could afford to give more money to the other All-Stars in the movie to tamper with them properly compensate them. This is a win-win!
• As the guy LeBron is golfing with when he gets kidnapped, like Larry Bird in the original movie. Or maybe since it’s LeBron, I don’t know, the guy he’s making tacos with before getting kidnapped. We can workshop this one.
• As a time-traveling Billy Hoyle, who comes to join LeBron in an Avengers-style team-up to hustle the Monstars, thus expanding the Space Jam Cinematic Universe (SJCU) to include “White Men Can’t Jump.”
• As the guy who brings LeBron his secret stuff (Rogaine, in this movie). They re-grow their hair and defeat the Monstars with their voluminous locks at the end of the film. Sort of like a refreshed Bill Murray role.

That’s five ideas in like 20 minutes of thinking, and I’m not even a film writer or aware of the plot of the movie. The script writers for this one should be able to easily make this happen, so I have a demand to make to WB: Cast Caruso, or we riot. And if Lakers fans can get Doc Rivers fined when they aren’t even that mad yet, you don’t want to see what this group can do if you make us really angry.

#ReleaseTheCarusoCut.

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