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Danny Green wants you to shave your balls

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Lakers guard Danny Green would like to talk to you about manscaping.

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2019-20 Los Angeles Lakers Media Day Photo by Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE via Getty Images

When Cal State Fullerton gave me the Gerhard Friedrich Award for Exceptional Professional Promise when I graduated from the university last year, I doubt they did it with the expectation that I would soon be blogging about Danny Green wanting you to shave your balls.

Still, that’s exactly what I’m doing, because Green went on Instagram on Monday night and dropped two ads that instantly have to be in consideration as two of the greatest athlete product endorsement videos of all time:

If MJ was Air Jordan, I think this makes Danny Green officially Hair Jordan. Your favorite player may have a signature shoe, but do they have a signature pube trimmer? I didn’t think so. My man Danny is no follower, he’s a trend setter.

There is just... so much greatness in this one ad. Not only is this a flawless and suave copy read about trimming your hedges, but it is so good that’s it’s also left me unsure what the funniest part about this video — in which an actual Los Angeles Laker tells you to shave your balls — is. I can’t decide if it’s that Green had color-coded props ready, or if it’s imagining the process that went into getting those props. Did he have to rub tennis balls around in a bunch of dirt and hair himself, or did an intern of some kind pre-dirty them for him? What was the pitch meeting like to get him this endorsement? How many takes did this require to get it out with a straight face.

We just don’t know. This ad promised me answers to my problems, but all I am left with are so, so many questions in their place. At least LeBron and everyone else seem to be enjoying it along with the rest of us:

Green, a career 37.8% 3-point shooter, is offering his furry fans 20% off with his promo code GREEN, in addition to the other perks he mentioned in his caption. You can get the official personal grooming tool of Danny Green at Manscaped’s website here, and Green just continues to amaze with his endorsement choices, with this undoubtedly the best one since Green Ranger Grapes.

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