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Lakers News: Kyle Kuzma gets blessed by Lil B, L.A. clinches 2019 NBA Championship

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After narrowly avoiding getting cursed by Lil B earlier in the year, Lakers rookie Kyle Kuzma has won over the rapper’s favor.

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NBA: San Antonio Spurs at Los Angeles Lakers Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

All year, the debate has raged about what the biggest possible offseason move the Los Angeles Lakers could make really is. Could the team add LeBron James or Paul George to their young core of Lonzo Ball, Kyle Kuzma, Josh Hart and Brandon Ingram? Might they trade for Kawhi Leonard?

Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not even July yet and the answer is none of the above. The Lakers have already made their biggest offseason signing, because the Based God himself, Lil B, has officially jumped aboard the Kyle Kuzma hype train.

Now why does this matter? Well, may I direct you to the TL;DR version of who Lil B is that I wrote back when he almost cursed then-Laker D’Angelo Russell:

For those who are unaware, Lil B is a Bay Area based rapper who is best known on the basketball internet for putting a “curse” on Kevin Durant for insulting his music, and then doing the same to James Harden for mimicking a cooking gesture he used in a music video as his signature celebration (No, I’m not kidding. That’s really what he’s famous for.).

Harden still hasn’t won a championship and Durant only got one by teaming up with the Warriors, who Lil B has blessed, so the numbers on this curse check out.

Don’t buy that? How else can you explain J.R. freaking Smith, of all people, forgetting to shoot a ball in game one of the Finals this year with a chance for the Cavaliers to win on the road? Shooting the ball is literally the only thing J.R. has never forgotten to do. That can only be explained as a result of the mystical.

But back to the blessing at hand. While a shout out isn’t an express blessing, it’s also far from the curse that Lil B almost hit Kuzma with earlier in the year, a situation the two spoke about in the video below:

But now that Lil B has come around on Kuzma, and after I officially saved Lonzo Ball from being cursed AND won the first annual “Lil B Excellence in Journalism Award” earlier this year, it seems like the Lakers have built veritable superteam of players blessed by the Based God. No matter who they add in free agency this summer, it would now appear they have the next couple of championships locked up.

The ego in the preceding article was (mostly, and hopefully obvious) satire. You can follow Harrison on Twitter at @hmfaigen, or support his work via Venmo here or Patreon here.