Exclusive: Pau Gasol's Conversation with Cristiano Ronaldo

Pau: Cristiano, what's up? Good to see you, man. 

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Can I call you Cristiano?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Anyway, I'm excited for this USA-Spain exhibition basketball game. You know, the one that we've both come here, at La Caja Magica in Madrid, to see and be photographed at. Should be a good one, huh?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: I mean, my buddy Lamar Odom is running for the Americans, so it'll be good to see him in action. And some people think Spain should be the favorite in the upcoming FIBA world championships.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Yeah. Fun matchup. 

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: I like that I don't have to play in this one personally. I've been doing a lot of summer ball the last few years, so this time around I've just been chilling. Sitting in on some surgeries. You ever try that?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Mm-hmm. It's a rewarding experience.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Yep. Pret-ty cool.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Hey, Cristiano, you been watching Mad Men this summer? The new season's been solid. You guys even get the show over here in Europe?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: I got the first three seasons on blu-ray. I could have them shipped over to you, if you wanna get caught up. Or, you know, I could pop by some night. Maybe we kick back with some icy-cold brews, watch some of my favorite eps.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Nah, that's cool. I'll just have them shipped over to you. 

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: So do you follow the NBA much? Like, offseason news?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Can you believe we gave Derek Fisher a three-year contract? I was like, haha LOL WHATEVS!

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: You don't know who Derek Fisher is, do you?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Don't worry about it. Damn, how long you think we should stand here for photos?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Give 'em a few more shots, I guess. Hey, I wasn't going to say anything, Cristiano, but - you might not wanna keep wearing your sunglasses like that.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Even with a v-neck, it puts a lot of stress on the collar. That shirt's going to lose its structure.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Also, it's kind of obvious you're just trying to draw attention to your well muscled chest. I mean, I just don't think your physique needs that kind of embellishment.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Speaking of which, is that all natural? Or do you, you know, sometimes maybe tap the HGH?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: 'Cause if you know a guy - or could slip me a number - I mean, it's just for a friend, of course.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: All right, no worries. 

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Hey, who you waiting for anyway? 'Cause if you're here alone, we could grab a pair of seats together. Maybe get some nachos up in here. What do you think?

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: . . . . 

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: Or I could just catch up with you later, if you plan to watch the game with your lingerie model girlfriend Irina Shayk.

Pau: Ah. Yes. I see that this is indeed the case, based on that picture from the near future that somehow appeared in our dialogue.

Cristiano: . . . .

Pau: So, um. Good chatting with you, Cristiano. Ketch you laters?

Cristiano: You may call me... RONALDO!!!

Pau: Fine, whatever. Geez. Watch the all caps, dude.

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