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Delusional Jazz Now Trying to Compete With Laker Intangibles

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Down two games to the Los Angeles Lakers, the Utah Jazz are desperately looking for answers, groping in the dark like Ben Roethlisberger on a date with your mom. Playing at home in Games Three and Four will help. So will the return of Andrei Kirilenko, who's been out since March 26 but who'll apparently return to action on Saturday night. Drei will give Utah another pretty efficient offensive option as well as some much-needed length on defense. But is there anything else he brings to the table? I wonder what Deron Williams has to say about this.

Oh hey, as luck would have it, someone put just that question to Williams at Jazz practice today. Thanks to Brian Shaw (no joke) of the Utah Sports Examiner, we've got the answer, and it's a doozy. The floor is yours, D Will:

You know, he [Kirilenko] is a guy that does a lot of special things for us on this team. Defensively, offensively. He just brings intangibles to the game.

Ahem. Please permit me a few words of rebuttal, as this is a topic in which I consider myself quite well versed.

What the fuck are you talking about, Deron Williams?! Do you have any GD clue who you're messing with here? When you are in a playoff series with the Lakers, who employ a certain Mr. Derek Fisher - Hmmm? Maybe you've heard of him? - you do not invoke the "I Word" to describe anything other than the inevitable asskicking that you just guaranteed will rain down on you and your team. Derek Fisher is the High Priest of All Things Intangible, and he will loan out intangibles to Andrei Kirilenko if and when he pleases, which will be never.

*takes deep breath, wipes sweat off forehead*

Thank you for allowing me this rejoinder. I respect Deron's game, but he just earned an F in Lakerology 101. The "F" stands for "FISH IS ABOUT TO END YOUR SEASON AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS WORLD YOU HOLD DEAR."