Lakers Drop-Kick Nets Into History Books

Rod Thorn to Tom Barrise, early Sunday morning: "Good news, Tommy! You get to be an NBA head coach. Congrats! The bad news? Ehh... *scratches neck nervously*... dude, how do I put this? The team you're gonna coach blows. Like, really blows. Also, you gotta go face the Lakers. And this might just be for one night. That last thing might be part of the good news, actually."

The New Jersey Nets, it turns out, are worse than we thought. Phil Jackson warned his team not to overlook the winless Nets, but overlooking them probably wouldn't have made a difference tonight. The Lakers could've forgotten the game was scheduled, showed up at Staples in the middle of the second quarter and still pulled out a win. The talent gap between these two teams is too big to measure with our planet's primitive technology.

The Lakers came out sharp as steak knives and quickly sliced up the Nets into tasty filets. A 21-2 run in the first quarter essentially ended things. Kobe Bryant toyed with whoever New Jersey ran at him, posting a 21-6-3 halftime line. He played only 29 minutes and still scored 30 points and made seductive eye contact with a triple-dub. Pau Gasol owned the Nets' front line for 20 points, seven assists and nine rebounds. Jordan Farmar had his best game of the year, hanging 15 points off the bench and spiking a Rafer Alston layup attempt off the backboard, LeBron-style. The final score was 106 to 87.

The Lakers are now 13-3, half a game behind the Phoenix Suns for the NBA's best record, and the Nets are 0-17. They share the league record for most consecutive losses to start a season and, with Minnesota's delightful upset of Denver tonight, are pretty clearly the NBA's worst team. The Lakers will see them again on December 19, at which point it's unlikely, though not totally inconceivable, they'll be 0-27.

Sexy Update! Here's the video of Farmar's sweet, sweet Rafer ownage.