Welcome back to the meat grinder, kiddos. I hope you got a good night's sleep and have been carbo-loading in preparation for Game Four. Here's a quick list of things we need from the Lakers tonight: more aggressive play from Ramon Sessions... Kobe posting up Derek Fisher as often as possible... Metta World Peace getting into Russell Westbrook's head again... some sweet dishing n' swishing from Pau Gasol... Andrew Bynum changing up his post moves to counter the excellent D of Kendrick Perkins... fearless clutch shooting from Steve Blake... Jordan Hill mixing it up down low... Matt Barnes not being horrible... a loud and intimidating(ish) Staples crowd... John Kuester cooking up a mad-genius out-of-bounds play... and Mike Brown not getting in the way of the foregoing. NONE OF THIS IS OO MUCH TO ASK.

Let slip the dogs of your out-of-control alcoholism whenever someone mentions:

• Free-throw stats,
• Fatigue,
• The Clippers blowing that huge lead today,
• "Holding serve," or
• Jack.

Permission to comment: GRANTED.

I feel comfortable declaring tonight's Game Three a must-win for the Lakers. You know it, I know it, the Thunder and Lakers know it. If there's gonna be a last stand, it has to start now.

The Lake Show is favored by 2 1/2 in this one, so enough bettors think the good things the Lakers accomplished in Game Two (rattling Russell Westbrook, forcing a few turnovers) will carry over. It would really be a big help if someone in purple and gold could make a three. Have I ever complained about that before? No, I don't think so.

Have Zooey or Sam ask Siri to mix you another cocktail whenever someone mentions:

• "This pivotal Game Three,"
• How no NBA team has ever come back from a 3-0 series deficit,
• "back to back,"
• How Staples Center will be just a little busy this weekend, or
• James Harden's beard.

BUILD A MOAT PROTECT THE MONEY.

The NBA levied fines against two Lakers today. Devin Ebanks was fined 25 grand for acting a fool after he got tossed from Game One. Andrew Bynum got touched for 10 for skipping a mandatory media session yesterday. That money should be placed in a fund and used to compensate Laker fans who sat through Monday's massacre.

Thunder are favored by 8 in this one. A few books are moving the line to 8 1/2. Basically, very few people expect the Lakers to return to L.A. with a series split. Derp derp derp.

Carouse responsibly whenever someone mentions:

• How the Thunder had just four turnovers in Game One,
• How Game Two is (or is not) a "must win" for the Lakers,
• That horrible 3-2 zone defense Mike Brown tried Monday night,
• The Shaq-Barkley "shirt off" bet, or
• The "college-type atmosphere" at Chesapeake Energy Arena.

This comment thread is open for business.

Nobody's got the flu. Nobody's at risk of getting fired if they lose tonight. Nobody's bitching about laptops in the huddle. The fast turnaround from Game Seven at Staples to Game One in OKC tonight has squeezed out the time-killing, media-filler subplots, leaving just a basketball game to worry about. The Thunder are favored by 7 1/2 tonight, indicating a deep and widespread pessimism about the Lakers' chances. There's a real possibility the weary Lakers will mail this one in, hoping to make their stand and get their road split Tuesday night when the balance of fatigue is more even.

Sample a beverage from Thunder Road Brewing Company's delicious product line whenever someone mentions:

• Kendrick Perkins's strained right hip,
• How MWP won't fist-bump James Harden,
• Something about Derek Fisher facing his former team,
• How Kevin Durant beat out Kobe Bryant for the scoring title, or
• "Rest versus rust."

Now who wants a PIECE OF THIS COMMENT THREAD?!?

The Lakers are handing out pom-poms tonight, which... I don't know, doesn't that seem a little minor-league for a franchise with 16 championships? If Laker fans can't summon the fury for a playoff elimination game, props aren't gonna help. In any case, we're in for a night of pretty tense drama. Hard to believe, but the season could be over in a few hours. Or we could all be taking a two-second breath of relief before stressing about the Thunder.

Game Seven anxiety will compel you to drink whenever someone mentions:

• Magic Johnson's prediction that Mike Brown will be fired if the Lakers lose,
• The noise level at Staples,
• How the Lakers (in 2006) were the last NBA team to blow a 3-1 series lead,
• How long the Oklahoma City Thunder will have been resting by the time the second-round series starts, or
• "Win or go home."

This is Game Seven, people. Comment or go home!

Win or lose, the Lakers will play again on Saturday. The NBA announced today that if the Lakers win, the second-round series against the Thunder will start in Oklahoma City on Saturday-Monday. If they lose, of course, they'll be back at Staples to face the Nuggets in Game Seven. Other news-chunks you might not've caught if you've been off the Internet: Kobe missed shootaround with gastroenteritis, and Chris Andersen's home is the target of a kiddie-porn investigation. Ick. Andersen has been excused from the team while the investigation continues.

The time for a nervous sip of alcomohol is whenever someone mentions:

• Laptops in the huddle,
• Michael Jordan's "flu game,"
• How after Game Five, the Lakers' locker-room white board said to "pack for three games,"
• The Lakers' 12-2 record in closeout games in the Pau Gasol era, or
• Andrew Bynum getting back on defense (or not, as the case may be).

Time to go to work!

The big question tonight is whether the Nuggets are still ready to compete. They need to win three in a row, two of them on the road, against a team that's beaten them in six out of eight games this year. It's possible the Lakers broke their spirit in Game Four, in which case tonight will be a cakewalk. The first quarter will be more than usually important. The Nugs need things to go well for them early, and if not the game could spiral away from them fast. It's time for the Lake Show's finishing move.

The alcohol... it calls to you. Heed its pleas whenever someone mentions:

• "Closeout game,"
• Arron Afflalo's shooting numbers in this series,
• Those threes Steve Blake and Ramon Sessions made at the end of Game Four,
• Andrew Bogut mistakenly receiving a vote intended for Andrew Bynum in the Most Improved Player race, or
• The Oklahoma City Thunder.

Take it away, gang.

It's already been a great deal for L.A. sports, what with the Kings advancing to the Western Conference Finals (for only the second time in franchise history) following a sweep of the St. Louis Blues. Go Kings Go! If only the Lakers had handled their business on Friday night we could've possibly enjoyed an ultrarare double-sweep. Alas.

By the way, Andrew Bynum has the top PER so far in this series, at 27.8. Then comes Kobe at 24.5. The only other two players in the series with PERs above 20 are Pau Gasol (21.1) and Ty Lawson (21.5). Words and numbers, yo!

Finish off some of your leftover Cinco supplies whenever someone mentions:

• How the Lakers' goal was just to take one of two in Denver,
• The Knicks winning earlier today,
• The number of games left on Metta World Peace's suspension,
• Playoff injuries, or
• Albert Pujols's home run.

Off you go!

This is the sort of game the Lakers almost always lose. SO MANY TIMES recently, they've won the first two games of a playoff series at home and proceeded to drop Game Three on the road. In the Pau Gasol era they're 2-6 in these circumstances, the only two wins coming against Denver in 2008 and Utah in 2010. Frankly I expect the same thing to happen tonight. The Denver crowd will be hyped and the Lakers know they just need a road split. I hope to be wrong, and if I am I'll have to start adjusting my expectations for this Laker team.

Have a Brass Monkey in MCA's memory whenever someone mentions:

• Altitude,
• Fast-break points,
• How only once in their franchise history have the Lakers failed to win a series they lead two-zip,
• "Manimal," or
• How the Thunder are up three-zip on the Mavs so the Lakers BETTER GOTDAMN WIN TONIGHT.

Ahem. Sorry for the outburst. Enjoy the game, everyone.