Behold, earthlings! A screen grab from EA Sports' reboot of NBA Jam, courtesy of the handsome cads over at NintendoLife. As luck would have it, they chose to show us a grab featuring a certain Mr. Kobe Bryant, about whom we know a thing or two around here. Let's assess the realism of the image with a little pro-con, shall we?
Pro: The Staples Center court looks like the Staples Center court.
Con: Whatevs. For years now basketball video games have rendered the Staples court pretty convincingly. That's nothing new.
Pro: Kobe looks great. Nearly lifelike.
Con: The Laker Girls are in red and white, for some reason.
Con: Who the hell are the other dudes on the bench? I don't recognize any of them.
Pro: Phil Jackson looks about right.
Con: No he doesn't. When's the last time you saw Phil stand in a game?
Pro: Kevin Garnett is trailing the play so badly, he's not even in the shot.
Con: Yes, that's accurate. Kevin Garnett is old and slow and not good at basketball.
Pro: You're supposed to disagree with me. That's the whole point of this little Hegelian dialectic.
Con: Sorry. Let's get back to it.
Pro: Um. I guess that Adidas ad looks realistic.
Con: Yeah, but if they were really paying attention, they'd have used an ad for San Manuel Indian Bingo and Casino.
Pro: I'm running out of good things to say about this.
Con: Not surprised. It looks like they were content to get just a few details right and hope no one would notice the rest.
Pro: I know, right? Like, they have the Laker bench on the wrong side of the court.
Con: Where Jack usually sits!
Pro: That's disrespectful.
Con: And why do Kobe and Pau Gasol seem to be playing two-on-one against KG?
Pro: Iunno. Maybe Paul Pierce ran out of lives?
Con: I don't think you can run out of lives on NBA Jam.
Pro: Got it. So would you buy this game?
Con: I'm usually a sucker for nostalgic crap like this, but it seems they're only making it for the Wii, which is played by 8-year-olds and middle aged people intimidated by normal video game controllers.
Pro: Right. And since we're neither of these, I guess we won't be buying NBA Jam.
Con: Let's hold out for the long-awaited sequel to Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City.
Con: That doesn't have anything to do with video games.
Pro: No, but the news hit while you and I were chatting, and if we don't shoehorn it awkwardly into this post, we'll have to do an entirely new one.
Con: Ack! I'll allow it, then.
Pro: Can you imagine Shannon Brown in NBA Jam?
Con: That would be sweet. Also, great job on your part tying this all together.
Pro: Thanks! Your feedback means a lot to me.
Con: K BAI.
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