Lakers 99, Timberwolves 94: Lakers kidnapped, replaced by cardboard cutouts. Wolves still lose.

The Lakers will play 82 games this regular season.  They played 8 preseason games (including a loss to a team from Europe and another to the very same Minnesota Timberwolves which were tonight's opponent).  Throw in an estimated 16-28 playoff games and the number of Laker games you will watch this season will climb well north of triple digits.  You will not watch a more poorly played game of basketball than this one.  I'm calling it now, with less than 10% of the regular season played.  It will not get any worse than tonight's 99-94 victory over the Wolves.

Am I mad that I just wasted 2.5 hours of my life on a game that was into garbage time with the opening tip?  Not at all.  I enjoyed myself immensely.  In fact, I have a recommendation for you, and I pray it hasn't come too late.  Do not, I repeat, DO NOT delete this game from your DVR.  If you do, you will regret it for the rest of the season, because with just one simple tool, you can turn this ugly, ugly exhibition into an event that will have you grinning from ear to ear.

Now, sit down, turn the game back on and re-watch a quarter.  Any quarter will do, though my personal favorite was the 4th quarter, where the Wolves shot 33% from the field, turned the ball over 8 times, and REDUCED the Laker lead from 8 to 5 over the course of the quarter, because the Lakers were busy matching Minny's 33% shooting and turning the ball over 6 times themselves.  Are you watching?  Are you seeing Minnesota miss 5 straight shots from less than a foot as they "tip" the ball at the rim without actually moving the ball?  Are you watching the Lakers fail to pull down a rebound as the ball bounces through legs and off backboards?  Are you thinking to yourself "What the fuck is C.A. doing to me right now"?  Good.  Now click on the audio file, and all will be right with the world.  You can thank me later.

It really couldn't be more perfect. Since Pau Gasol has the gorilla costume covered, all we're missing is a banana peel.

If you were looking for hard hitting basketball analysis following a game like that, I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place.  Take a look at the comprehensive stats we provide at the bottom and create your own legitimate basketball related story lines.  I could try to throw some facts at you, list off the ridiculous amount of offensive rebounds the Wolves had (Didn't you hear, Kevin Love had a triple-double: points, defensive rebounds and offensive rebounds), or the mind numbing amount of turnovers from both sides.  I could talk about the Lakers non-existent defense, terrible shot selection, and complete lack of focus.  But honestly, I can't do any of that, because I'm laughing my ass off picturing that game with some good ol' Benny Hill blaring in the background.

Did the Lakers treat this game like a preseason game?  Yes.  Is their "effort" an affront to the game and to the fans who paid hard earned money to watch them?  Yes.  Should we be upset with them for it?  I suppose, but as I've said before, if you didn't see this game coming a mile away, you haven't been a Lakers fan very long.  This is who they are, and no amount of championships, or competitive zeal, or pride, will change them.  Since the team has done pretty well by us fans the past couple of years, you just have to get used to looking the other way every now and then.  Just be thankful it didn't end with a buzzer beating Andre Iguodala three, and that it counts just as much in the W column as Sunday's demolition of the Portland TrailBlazers.

While you're at it, have some fun with it.  With the right mentality, the Benny Hill mentality, even a steaming pile of basketball shit can be turned into solid comedic gold.  I'm just gonna go get a banana ...

 

Poss.

TO%

FTA/
FGA

FT%

3FGA/FGA

2PT%

3PT%

EFG

TS%

OReb Rate

DReb Rate

PPP

Minn.

98

22

0.21

84

0.23

38

38

42

47

48

71

0.96

L.A.

98

16

0.18

75

0.24

49

33

49

52

29

52

1.01

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