I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here tonight. It's because there's a murder to be solved a will to be read basketball on TV. I think you'll find that escape is quite impossible.

Something something alcohol whenever:

• The thing about Derek Fisher's daughter comes up (which is hopefully never),
• A "Beat LA" chant breaks out,
• Andrei Kirilenko is called "versatile,"
• Someone brings up either the old Kobe Bryant-Raja Bell feud or their dinner-date-that-wasn't from last summer, or
• Someone calls Deron Williams "arguably the best point guard in the NBA."

Game-thread rules can be perused here. And people, please no Mormon jokes/insults. One might've thought that goes without saying, but past experience unfortunately indicates otherwise.

Take it away!